Archive for Sally’s Ramblings
Tip #12: Be like a duck.
I grew up with ducks. I learned something from those ducks.
When it rains just let the water roll off your back. Have you ever seen the way water beads up on a ducks back and rolls off it?
When my feelings are hurt because someone is criticizing me or when someone is in a bad mood around me I try to remember to be like a duck and let the feelings or words just roll off of me. I visualize their hurtful words as water beading up and rolling off my back and then I waddle off in search of more positive, pleasant people to be around.
Be like a duck!
Photo by Flickr user Ernst Vikne
Tip # 9: Make time for gratitude.
What are you grateful for?
Energy flows where attention goes. Take 2 minutes a day to write down 5 things you are grateful for.
It seems taking time to be grateful is good for your health.
In the video below Oprah talks about what she knows about gratitude.
Sometimes it is difficult to be grateful. You may feel like you have nothing to be grateful for. You can start really small with things like I am grateful my toilet works. I know that sounds strange but if you have ever had a sewage flood in your house (like I have) you would be very grateful for a working toilet! ;-)
Image above from the awesome Bean Up The Nose Art collection.
It is not just mommies who have big hearts, we all have big hearts. Sometimes when parents have their first baby they wonder if they could ever love anything more than they love that little bundle of joy. Then when baby number 2 comes a long they discover their heart grows and makes room to love 2 beings with the same amount of enthusiasm. You could have 10 kids and love them all. The human heart and our capability to love is amazing.
I think we don’t always realize this kind of love is not reserved just for parents loving children. It goes both ways. If you are in a blended family your child or children are capable of loving more than just 1 or 2 parents. If a stepmom has entered the scene in to your child’s life, your child is capable of opening her heart and adding another mommy, just like you are capable of opening your heart and adding another child to the mix of people you love and call family.
This idea can be very threatening and is often what makes mother’s day a challenging day for children of blended families. Kids may feel that in order to prove their love for their mommy they have to not acknowledge their stepmom. This is hurtful to the stepmom and to the child.
Unfortunately, I have learned this lesson in hindsight. My kids grew up with 3 mothers, their biological mom (my partner), me and their stepom. The kid’s love all of us, just like we love all of them. I don’t love one kid more than an other. Maybe they don’t love one mom more than the other, maybe they do. But who are we to decide who the kids love most? Is it really a competition? I’ve got news for you, there is no prize at the end of parenting for being the best mom or stepmom.
Just because you adore your 15 year old does not mean you do not adore your 4 year old. It works the same with kids and stepparents vs. parents.
After much research for my book I’m beginning to believe that the relationship between a bio (or original) mom and a stepmom may be the hardest relationship out there to navigate. The silly thing is those 2 women love and care about the same exact people.
If you come from a blended family I challenge you this mother’s day to take a step back and try to make room for your kids to express their love to whoever has been blessed enough to find a space in their little (big) hearts.
I feel like a mole being whacked.
Looking for a job, trying to get new clients, writing a book…feels a bit like the game Whac-A-Mole
Each time I put myself out there I feel like the mole popping my head up and WHACK someone hits it back down.
I’m not going to let the world and it’s big, giant hammer keep me down. I’m going to keep burrowing holes and working on new ideas and popping my head up.
One of these days I’m going to pop my head up in the right place.
Thank you to my Facebook friends who helped me remember the name of this game.
Photo by Flickr user sepalotix
After spending the last month in Europe using public transportation, I am determined to use it more here in the Bay Area. Everyone always says the public transportation here sucks. I’m not so sure I agree with that. It may be limited but it doesn’t suck! For the last 2.5 years I took the bus from Marin to San Francisco 5 days a week and never had an issue. It was always on time, I always got a seat and the driver was super friendly.
Tomorrow I need to be in San Leandro at 10:30am. I used Google Maps to find out it would take me 45-60 minutes to drive there from my home in Marin. The thought of driving and sitting in traffic for an hour sounds dreadful to me so I decided to do a little research. I found out I can get there in about 1.5 hours using public transportation and my feet. I am going to be adventurous and give it a try. I will take a bus in to San Francisco and then take BART to San Leandro and then walk about a mile to my meeting place. Instead of spending 1 hour behind the steering wheel, I will be sitting on the bus and BART being able to use that time to read, check my email, tweet, Facebook, take photos, or even just space out while I get over this jet lag.
1.5 or so hours of public transportation and an opportunity to get in some exercise (more steps on FitBit) sounds way more appealing to me than sitting in my car, probably in traffic and very likely to get lost (I always get lost when I drive in the East Bay).
I will let you know how my little experiment with Bay Area public transportation goes. I figure if I can handle the metro in Spanish, French and Italian, I should be able to figure out how to get around in English!
Wondering how to get from point A to point B in the Bay Area using public transportation? Check out this handy little Website: 511.0rg
Other helpful resources:
GoldenGateTransit.org (bus and ferry info)
BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit)
I am grateful for…
The opportunity to have adventures in Paris!
Serendipitous experiences with family & old friends in Paris!
Cathedrals in Paris!
Coffee in Paris!
Croissants in Paris!
This Easter Sunday I am grateful for…
My Easter memories:
Easter egg hunts with my siblings after church. That’s me in the middle.
No this photo has not been edited in Instagram.
The Saturday before Easter.
As I child, I helped my mom (the flower shop owner)
decorate the cross with lilies for the big Easter celebration
at church the next day.
The photo above is the actual cross she decorated this year.
I am thankful for all my peeps.
Grateful for all my friends, family and you!
I almost lost it with a representative from Chase bank today. I called to let them know I will be traveling out of the country in April and wanted to make sure they knew so we could use our ATM cards while we are out of the country. They would only let me notify for my ATM card, not Celia’s even though we are on the same account and married. I said, “Do you make every married couple call in separately to put a note on their accounts when traveling?” The mans voice started shaking and he said yes they did and he just went through this with a man and woman who were married and had to talk to each of them separately. At this point is when I realized I am feeling a little sensitive with MY marriage being discussed in the Supreme Court.
Yesterday, I did a speech at Toastmasters titled: I Have Trouble Answering Simple Questions. By simple questions, I mean questions like: Are you married? My voice trembled through the whole speech. I was mad at myself for not being able to hold my composure while speaking in front of a small group of people. Then I remembered the interview Oprah did with Ellen back in 1997 and I remembered Ellen’s voice was trembling when she spoke.
Then later in the day I spoke with a reporter from the MarinIJ about my opinion of the case. I tried to stay positive because I do appreciate how far we have come since I first came out of the closet in 1995 (2 years before Ellen!) but I am tired of waiting. I realize we are at the tipping point and this battle is almost over but I am SO tired of hearing the hurtful comments from religious leaders, politicians and the masses in general.
Can we just get over it and move on? Imagine if all those religious and political leaders who put so much money, time and energy in to trying stop people like me from getting married, would have instead put that money, time and energy in to helping people get out of poverty, feeding hungry people, and offering love instead of judgment and hurt?
I don’t believe all people who were or are against same-sex marriage are bad, ignorant or mean. I have friends and family who voted for Prop 8 and believe marriage is between a man and a woman but at the same time they love and support my relationship with Celia. I do believe there has been a big mix of church and state and that is not how it is supposed to work. There is supposed to be a separation of church and state.
I believe in change. I believe the majority of people here in the US will soon understand that marriage equality is a civil rights issue and not a religious one.
Seeing most of my Facebook timeline turn red yesterday with support of marriage equality, I was moved. I even saw some of the red equal signs on profiles of people from the conservative Lutheran church I grew up in. This gives me hope.
More things that gives me hope:
This blog post written by a self proclaimed Bible thumping Christian woman: Marriage Equality: I Can’t Be Switzerland Anymore
and, “The Hopmonk Tavern in Novato has booked a “Comedy for Equality” show to replace an appearance by singer Michelle Shocked, whose scheduled show there was canceled by owner Dean Biersch after her recent anti-gay rant in San Francisco.” – Novato’s HopMonk replaces Michelle Shocked with ‘Comedy for Equality
This is my fourth Sunday of writing gratitude posts inspired by Michelle (Rite Here Now blog) who has been writing posts as a Lenten practice. I may continue writing regular weekly gratitude posts because it is helping me to put things in perspective.
This week I am grateful for taxes. Yep, taxes!
I can see you now… rolling your eyes or saying yeah right!
Let me explain…
I am grateful for taxes because…
- I’m done with my 2012 Tax return thanks to my super organized self employed spouse – Celia.
- We had to pay taxes because we had an income in 2012. Grateful for work!
- We had enough money to pay our taxes.
- Even though filing taxes as a married couple is a pain when your marriage is only recognized in the State and not by the Feds. It reminds me that the movement towards marriage equality has come a long way baby! We still have a long way to go but at least we are going in the right direction. At least I get to file my taxes as half married and am not living in fear for my life or in fear of losing my job because of my relationship status.
- Property taxes – I’m grateful for my home.
Did you file your taxes yet?