I am working on a project!

Inspired by my friend Toni Carreiro I gave myself a 30 day challenge. I started my challenge on Mother’s Day. I am committing to writing 30 words a day for 30 days to kick-start my book about other mothers.

Thank you Maria Benet for the 30 days of writing idea that we brainstormed while biking yesterday.

I have gotten such a great response to my blog post about other mothers that I decided to go for it and write the book. I am verklempt with the public and private responses from friends and strangers I have been receiving in response to the post. My feelings about being an other mother seemed to resonate with all sorts of other mothers out there in the world.

Thank you Tamara Holland for this inspiring photo to help keep me focused.

Thank you Marilyn LoRusso for your positive influence in turning this book in to a celebration of other mothers.

Of course, thank you to Celia Graterol for always supporting me in whatever random thing I decide to do.

Thank you to all of my friends who are cheering me on!

From now until June 11, 2012 I will be writing at least 30 words a day. #30Words30Days

May 20, 2012 – Update – I’ve been writing everyday and things are going great! I am so excited about this project. Currently having writer’s block so I decided to play around with cover ideas. This is not the final cover but I definitely want to use this flower somehow. What do you think?

Mother’s Day is coming up. This is a tough one for me. Not as a daughter but as a mother. It is a day that I am reminded of how society often disregards the other mothers of the world. I am one of those other mothers.

The number 1 question every woman is asked is, “Do you have children?” You might think this is a simple yes or no answer; it is not. Many women “have” children but did not actually “have” them. It is a complicated question to answer. Some women struggle with how much of an answer to give, I know I did.

I raised 3 children. I changed their diapers, wiped their snotty noses, made their lunches, consoled their hurt feelings, drove the carpool, gave up my own dream of going to graduate school, stayed home from work with sick kids, lost my hair during their teenage years and many nights of sleep. I laughed, cried, enjoyed, loved and hated parenting. But, when someone asks me if I have children and I say yes, I feel like I am not telling the whole truth. I do have children, I have 3 but I did not birth these children, my partner did and we have raised them together with her ex-husband and his wife. If I tell people the whole story their response is often “oh, you are not the real mom.” Being labeled “not the real mom” made it so I was not allowed to ever complain about parenting or my kids because if I did other mothers would say, “it’s different when it is your kid, or you wouldn’t understand since they are not actually your kids”.

These comments from others often shut me down, hurt me and made me wonder if it was okay to say yes I have kids. These comments also isolated me from the “Mom’s club” I wanted and needed so badly to be in. The Mom’s club is any group of moms that becomes friends because of their kids, moms at the park, moms who have kids in the same class, etc. They hang out together while their kids are doing  activities and provide support to each other, share their trials and tribulations of raising kids and learn from each other. I felt so alone as a mother. I felt ashamed wondering what the other mothers thought of me. I was young, I was a lesbian and I was the cause for my partner’s (the real mother) divorce. Looking back now that my kids are young adults I realize those worries of what the other mothers thought of me were all created in my own head. I never even gave a chance to those other mothers to get to know me. The few that I did allow in throughout the parenting years are some of my best friends now.

I wish I wouldn’t have wasted so much of my mommy years wondering if I was good enough and realized that the fact that I was raising someone else’s kids was BETTER than good enough. I was sacrificing and doing things for those little snotty nosed people that usually only a “real” mother would do. I should NOT have been ashamed, I should have been celebrated. But a mother’s job doesn’t usually come with a lot of praise, I understand this.

The more I have talked with women, the more I have learned that this feeling like an ”other mother” is a common feeling. Even the traditional type of mom often feels like she doesn’t fit in; she’s too young, too old, too fat, too poor, not cool enough, works, doesn’t work, whatever it is, she feels she doesn’t fit in and she isolates herself from the other mothers.

Being in my position, the other mom, not the “REAL” mom and not even the step-mom pretty much makes me the invisible mom when it comes to acknowledgement from society and community support.

I have an idea for a book I want to write about other mothers. I want to interview all the other mothers out there and share their stories. I imagine there are all sorts of women who could identify with being an other mother: lesbian moms, step-moms, adoptive moms, foster moms, divorced moms, single moms, teen moms, immigrant moms, aunts, grandmas and other relatives raising children that are not their own, moms whose husbands are in prison or the military, women who chose not to be moms or were not able to be and fathers who have  taken on the more traditional mommy role are all people whom I’d like to interview and hear their stories. I’m sure there other ‘other mother’s who I  have failed to mention here as well. I’ve been tossing this book idea around in my head for a while but now I’ve decided I am going to do it. If you are interested in sharing your story with me and being a part of this book please contact me to arrange for an interview.

For the last year, I have been on the hunt for vintage prints to decorate my San Francisco office. Turns out, this whole time the exact type of store I was looking for, was right under my nose, in the financial district. The more time I spend in San Francisco, the more I love it. There is a whole sub-culture of local, independent, women owned businesses co-existing in the fast paced, downtown, financial district area.

I recently happened upon the charming neighborhood of Jackson Square, located in the shadow of the Transamerica Pyramid where I discovered a tiny little store front with a sign reading Prints, Etc. This store just happens to be located in the second oldest commercial building in San Francisco.

I had no idea I was walking in to a piece of San Francisco history.

The small store was filled with vintage prints, historical photos of old San Francisco, concert posters, antique stock certificates, maps, curiosities, collectibles, beautiful frames, mirrors and so much more, hence the Etc… part of the name.

I was immediately greeted by a very friendly woman named Kathleen who took the time to show me around and teach me how the store worked. She even helped me find some cool prints for the office that my boss liked!

You know how sometimes you meet someone and you instantly click? That is how I felt about Kathleen. I felt like we had been best friends forever and I found her stories about the shop fascinating. So yesterday I spent my lunch break inside Prints, Etc chatting with Kathleen about the history of this adorable little store.

Prints, Etc has been here since 1957. Kathleen DiGrande and her sister Elizabeth Cologne are the 4th owners of Prints, Etc and have owned it for the last 6 years. The store has kept the same integrity since the beginning. Kathleen and Elizabeth have one employee, Adriane Brown who is an artist and is currently getting her Masters of Fine Art.

Elizabeth makes these unique and colorful pressed flower framed designs.

Adriane painted this beautiful painting  that was hanging up high which explains the angle of the photo. Reminds me of the days working in my parent’s flower shop.

According to Kathleen, Prints, Etc has the largest selection of custom frames in the city, such as ‘closed corner’ frames made in the US, and ‘mitered’ corner frames. Many frame shops outsource their framing, not Prints, Etc! The 3 women do the framing themselves right here in the store and take special care of the art.

Prints, Etc.
494 Jackson Street
San Francisco, CA 94111
415-362-5323

Be sure to “LIKE” Print, Etc on Facebook!

While you are there click “LIKE” on Sally Around The Bay too!

Thank you!

#ShopLocal

Happy Saturday!

It’s another beautiful winter/summer day here in Marin County and it is almost Valentine’s Day!

Have you thought about what you are going to give your honey, your child, your best friend or your mom for Valentine’s Day yet? Want to give them something new and different? I have an idea for you!

Go to San Anselmo today!

Tamara Holland is having an Art Sale TODAY.

Where: 2 Florence Ave. in San Anselmo, CA.

When: Today, February 4, 2012 from 1:00 – 4:00 p.m.

This is my dog Poncho and his new Vet Dr. Cynthia Steele, whom we both love.

He’s getting old.

He has lumps and bumps and not as much energy as he used to have. Recently he has developed a strange problem with his eye. I hadn’t been happy with my current vet and I needed to find a new one. I was not looking forward to taking my 11 year old dog to a new Veterinarian office. I was afraid they were going to over prescribe treatment for him. Also, Poncho is not a big fan of going to the vet, he gets very stressed & doesn’t like to sit still. It usually takes 2 or 3 of us to hold him in place for an exam.

Someone suggested we try a mobile vet. I had no idea mobile vets existed. A mobile vet is a doctor who does house calls. They come to your house to examine your dog. Way less stressful for you and your dog.

I wasn’t sure what to expect from the mobile vet I called but what I got was an awesome vet! Cynthia and Maureen (nurse) showed up at my door and greeted me with a hug. Poncho instantly loved them. He thought friends came to visit just him. They spent a whole hour examining Poncho and talking with us about his health. The  cost of the visit was only slightly more than a trip to the vet but the quality and care was 100 times better.

If you have an older dog or would rather have your vet come to your house instead of sitting in a stressful waiting room with a bunch of other sick pets I highly recommend calling Mill Valley Mobile Vet. Since she is mobile you don’t have to live in Mill Valley to use her services. She goes all over Marin and I think even to the city sometimes.

www.MVmobileVet.com
Cynthia Steele, D.V.M.
415-272-8558

11/21/11 – Update
I’m updating this post to tell you this letter should have been addressed to Men & Women! I’ve had many people tell me they’ve also heard women use the word rape to describe things that are not rape. Men please accept my apology for generalizing & women, What is up with that?!
—–

Dear Men (and Women),
Please do not use the word rape to describe anything other than a rape. When you use the word rape to describe being ripped off or taken advantage of it makes me think you do not comprehend just how serious a rape is. A rape is not being ripped off at the gas station. It is not paying too much in taxes and it is not what a used car salesman does when selling you a car. A rape is a horrible, atrocious offense against another human being. When you use it to describe these minor offenses it makes me think you don’t realize how terrible a rape is which makes me wonder if that is the reason rape is so prevalent in our society.

Thank you,

The women in your life

I had to go all the way to LA to meet a super cool woman from Marin.

MoreMarin

This last weekend I was down in LA with Celia who was presenting at AEA (American Evaluation Association). Celia put together a rock star team for the presentation & I was lucky enough to be included in the after conference dinner. I got to sit next to the fabulous Felecia Gaston (from Performing Stars of Marin AND The Phoenix Project) who told me about an event she was organizing for Veterens Day in Marin City.

Performing Stars of Marin’s Annual
Veterans Day Parade
11-11-11
Honoring the Bay Area Tuskegee Airmen

Parade starts at 11am at the Manzanita Recreation Center.
630 Drake Avenue
Marin City, CA

I have been seeing this image circulating around the social networks and it has really stuck with me. I’ve always been a supporter of local, independent businesses but when things get busy and life gets stressful sometimes it’s easier to just go to the nearest Starbucks instead of seeking out an independent, locally owned cafe.

Working in downtown San Francisco you can spin in circles, walk any direction and in less than a block you will most likely find a Starbucks.

I wanted something different. I wanted to get my coffee at an independently owned place but I didn’t know where to go. Until… I opened my eyes and realized there is an Italian style cafe located near my office called Palio Paninoteca. Actually I didn’t open my eyes and look around, I looked down at my iPhone where I was trying out a new program called LevelUp. It’s a program that lets you pay with  your smart phone. I’ve been wanting to try one of those programs for awhile and for some reason this one called my attention enough for me to download the app and try it.

While searching the current locations accepting LevelUp I discovered this cafe just down the street. When I signed up for LevelUp I got $5 credit and noticed Palio Paninoteca offered $2 credit so I decided to head over to Palio Paninoteca to check it out and enjoy my complimentary lunch. I didn’t realize they served lunch in addition to coffee and gelato. Yes I said gelato!

Palio Paninoteca’s lunch consists of soups, salads and sandwiches (paninis) prepared in advance (kind of like going to the counter at Whole Foods). So far I’ve tried 2 of their salads and they are delicious! Today I had the spinach, avocado, mango salad. Yum!

While trying out my LevelUp for the first time I happened to meet the owner of the cafe. She showed me how to pay with my phone. We got to chatting and that is when I learned that Palio Paninoteca is an independent, local, woman owned business. They’re also green and serve your food in reusable ceramic dishes. Bettie Scodel is a single mom and the owner of both Palio Paninotecas. She’s also a very hard worker. She gets up at 3:30am every day to be ready to serve breakfast to the hungry masses passing through.  She proudly told me of her two children in college. She’s the perfect candidate to help me keep up with my Miss Representation pledge of featuring women doing cool things around the Bay Area.

Two thumbs up to Palio Paninoteca and to LevelUp. I had a great experience with both. I’m looking forward to enjoying many more coffee and meals using my LevelUp at Palio Paninoteca.

If you find yourself in downtown San Francisco around breakfast or lunch time give this place a try.

Oh, one more thing! I emailed LevelUp yesterday to see when there were going to be more locations in San Francisco and they said they are adding more everyday! I also told them I would be mentioning them in my blog and they offered my readers a special code! If you want to try LevelUp (it doesn’t cost anything) they will put $10 credit in to your account if you use the code SALLY when registering. When registering be sure to click on the blue link that says: Have a promotion or friend referral code? to get your $10 credit! So go sign up for then let me know and maybe we can meet for a coffee at Palio Paninoteca.

Palio Paninoteca is located on the corner of Montgomery and Clay St in the financial district of San Francisco. They also have a location near UCSF. More info here: www.paliopaninoteca.com

A few weeks ago, thanks to Twitter, A Band of Wives and a hamburger joint, I met an amazing woman named Shasta Nelson.

Shasta Nelson, MDiv (@girlfrndcircles) is a relationship strategist, life coach, and founder of GirlFriendCircles.com, a womens friendship matching site in 35 cities across the U.S. She blogs weekly at Shasta’s Friendship Blog and for the Huffington Post.

In an effort to keep up with my Miss Representation pledge I’m going to be featuring local Bay Area women doing cool things. I’m starting with Shasta Nelson who agreed to be interviewed and share her favorite things to do around the Bay Area.

Please tell us a little bit about Girl Friend Circles. What exactly is it? Who is it for? GirlFriendCircles.com is a womens friendship matching site. We match women up in small groups in local cafes and wine bars to meet other women their age (from 21-65) who are interested in investing in new friendships. Often it’s because we’ve just moved or gone through some other major life change, but research shows every 7 years the average woman replaces half her friends so it’s a pretty normal need. We’re in 35 cities across the U.S. including Marin, San Francisco, and the East Bay!

What do you love most about the Bay Area?
The culture. It’s hard to describe but I love the open-mindedness, the diversity, and the overall sense of support that there is for all kinds of people, ideas, and ways of life.

Where is your favorite place to hike/bike?
Living in the City, I love heading to Lands End (there is the most beautiful labyrinth on the edge of the cliff!), walking along Crissy Field, and city hiking up all the hills on long evening walks!

Favorite place to eat? Best romantic date restaurant?
I love Saha’s (Arabic Fusion) for a special dinner out, Helmand’s Palace (Afghan) for their vegetarian special plate, B Star (Burmese Fusion) for their drinks and fun flavors, and Top of the Mark for romantic views and martinis.

Favorite place to meet up with girl friends for coffee/tea/Happy Hour?
I’d love any cafe that had my friends– I’m not picky at all! We sometimes meet at Cafe Divine in North Beach for their indoor/outdoor seating and easy menu, but our favorite places are just hanging out in each other’s living rooms. Being in a home feels more special than a restaurant these days!

If you had an out of town guest visiting for a day who wanted to see the Bay Area what would you show them?
I tend to think the most special experience of San Francisco is a day spent as much like a local as possible: breakfast at a neighborhood cafe, long walk along the water toward the bridge, lunch in some awesome ethnic restaurant, then cater to their need for tourism by seeing how many landmarks we can take their picture in front of (sea lions at the Pier, the Painted Sisters homes, Ferry Building), drive through Golden Gate Park on our way to watch the sunset at the beach and then end with an evening at Yoshi’s Jazz Club.

You can get to know Shasta a little better by visiting her YouTube channel here: http://www.youtube.com/user/ShasGFC

Girl Friend Circles is also on Facebook.

Last week I gathered a group of tweeps together to watch the film Miss Representation. It was a fund raiser for Huckleberry Youth Programs at the Rafael Film Center.

Besides having a very creative name, Miss Representation was a reminder that not much has changed for women in the media (and in general) over the last 20+ years. Miss Representation is about women being misrepresented in the media -> Miss Representation get it? Catchy title.

Twenty plus years ago Thelma & Louise and The Accused came out. I was in college at the time and I was angry about the way women were treated but I was happy to see films addressing the issue.

What got to me in Miss Representation were the statistics: The number of women unhappy with their bodies. The number of women with eating disorders. The number of women who have been raped.

I’m all for focusing on the positive and for individuals being responsible for themselves but I also believe somethings are bigger than the individual and we need to talk about this issue and problem solve it together. However, a pet peeve of mine is people who preach to the choir but never actually do anything, they just talk, complain, blame and finger point. So I’m not going to do that.

Working in the Financial District of San Francisco I often walk by the TV screens with CNBC on. Did you know that people refer to the female reporters on CNBC as the Money Honeys?

I don’t know what the answer is because blaming men is not going to change anything, we already tried that and men are a product of this society just as much as women are.  Blaming individual women isn’t going to work either because if a female news reporter or actress is asked to use a little botox here, show some cleavage there or lose some weigh,t she’s probably going to do it to keep her job. Unless she is Rachel Maddow.

One thing we can do is show our support by paying to see movies: written, directed or produced by strong women, support women in politics, female bloggers, news reporters and companies who advertise with these outlets. In this society money talks faster than anything else!

If we focus on the positive and put more of our dollars in to the positive the media will follow the money and the ratings.

I say instead of boycotting the negative and drawing more attention to it, IGNORE the negative media. Focus on the positive media, spend money on the positive media and shout it out to the world about all the films, shows, reporters, bloggers, artists, musicians, writers and politicians who are doing great things and being positive role models.

I’d love to start a list of all the great media women (and men) are already doing to bring more balance and happiness to the world. Please list  your favorites in the comments below. Also if you saw the movie I’d love to hear your thoughts.

“Energy flows where attention goes.”

Newest Miss Representation Trailer (2011 Sundance Film Festival Official Selection) from Miss Representation on Vimeo.

Follow the film on Twitter. @RepresentPledge

PS. After the film a group of us pledged to blog our thoughts about the film. I will link to their blog posts below as they are published.

when de ja vu draws the same blank by @Alembic

Women and the Media, Revisited by @CurtisFinancial

Week of Representing: Rachel Taormina by @TamHolland